I fly a lot.

Every single weekend, and I always fly economy ... company pays right ergo it's going to be cheap. Especially for a chindi player like me ;) Anyways point. So on an economy flight you know the rule of armrests right? It's unwritten I know, but I figured putting it up here might change something.

Here's what an armrest looks like:

I know it's a funky one but it'll do for this story.

So when you get on a plane you know you have to share the armrest with the guy next to you. Either you take the top half and leave the bottom half for the other guy (the horizontal line), or you share it half in half vertically (the vertical line). That's basic shit right.


This guy gets on the plane and wakes me up to get into his seat, which is okay I mean no harm, no foul I wasn't asleep yet. So I pull out my earphones and let this guy sit down but here's the kicker just as I get ready to sit down this guys taken up the whole armrest. The whole frikking thing!!

I'm thinking to myself, what the hell, he doesn't look to happy in life, let it go Sid. Just breathe, enjoy the Manowar playing in your head and chill out man, it's a 3 hour flight be zen, be buddhist and let it go.

So Mr. Smarty pants next to me starts flapping his arm right in my face. Twice, thrice ... the man has fits I swear!

So know I'm thinking to myself you know what, this guy really didn't seem like an asshole when he came in and what the fuck, I'm not doing to Daddy talk this guy into sharing the armrest, let's show this guy what a real asshole is like ... so if this guy is really on the fence he'll be a good airline traveller for the rest of his natural born life. If I'm wrong ... well that didn't come up.

I yawn, just as he's plugging his headphones in and wham I shove my elbow into the back of the armrest and into his ribs. Alright, not so much shove and gently nudge. Gently nudge is true.

Archimedes once said, "Give me a stick and a place to stand and I could move the Earth" ... I paraprhase but you get the picture.

The trick with sharing an armrest is if you're sharing horizontally and you have the back portion you're the King man. You're God. You're the dictator. You can nudge the other guy into how much ever space you need, hell how much ever you WANT!

I spent the next half hour nudging the shit out of the guy ... whilst pretending to be asleep listening to insane insane Manowar and enjoying every thorough moment of it. Twenty minutes later I leave this guy no space on the armrest and he's dying for space ... but nu-huh talk time is over I'm asleep listening to my music, being zen.

Meal time comes.

After the meal, I'm ready for him to rush and try to grab the power half of the armrest ... but this guy just folds his hands with a big prissy look on his face giving up.

I turn to him with a smile that says, "Everyone needs a motherfucker now and then" and say, "It's alright, you can have the armrest I'm going to sleep" I fold my hands and fall asleep content after a meal of uncooked chicken on a fake five star airline content with myself that I prevented one more asshole from being born.

"You know that everytime I try to go where I really want to be,
It's already where I am,
Because I'm already there"
SOAD - Sugar