On the one hand we have:

"Freedom, urge, faith - and deeper he falls
Hatred, rage, fear - the stronger denial
Anger, heat, lust - the higher he climbs"

Satyricon - The rite of our cross.

And it is my right to my own cross.

"Life's no ordeal if you come to terms,
Reject the system dictating the norms

From dehumanization to arms production,
To hasten the nation towards its destruction
Power, power, the law of the land,
Those living for death will die by their own hand"

A perfect circle - Annhilation.

Let me be the man that you hate for always being right, on THIS day.

Imagine a table tennis game.

Player 1 and Player 2 evenly matched.

Match point with Player 1 on the advantage.

Player 1 serves a beauty angling it into the corner and turning it in. Player 2 chops on the backhand, it's fast but not very flat.

Player 2 leans back giving himself room and readies himself to whack that ball.

Right as the ball leaves Player 1's bat he stomps his foot down hard destroying Player 2's concentration who misses the ball.

Player 1 leaps up in celebration with another victory in the history books.

Player 2 pulls out his .50 desert eagle and lets off a shot aimed proffessionly at Player 1's forehead.

Player 1 takes it like a man.

So I was just talking to someone about beer.

I know person A not in a total social capacity. Replace "not in a total social" with "semi-professional"

Now it is my suspicion that I have come across as slightly under the influence whilst asking the question "What's your choice of beer, matey?"

Agreed, it may have not been the best question in all of eternity to be used as an ice-breaker. But I have a small and simple brain.

SMALL AND SIMPLE.

Like right now, I am not under the influence. Even though this post seems like it is written by me when I am.

Have faith. I do.

Dear Mr. Raghu Ram,

I truly and honestly believe that you and the rest of your MTV goonies are the cancer of our generation. I'm actually going to take out 10 minutes out of my day and explain to you why I think this. And then that's it. for you and me.

One, I'll start with Splitsvilla, because it's a show I watched. Sadly though. It was entertaining no doubt. I was hooked onto the results of every episode. But the question you must really ask yourselves is, how is that better than say India TV or say self-mutilation. India TV, however horrible at least delivers some news ... self mutilation ... well that causes pain which teaches you self mutilation is bad. Your shows though ... how do you even justify that?! Okay, so your participants win money.

2.5 lakhs for one winner.

Are you serious man?

Do you even tell them how much that is of the gross profit that show made? Is 0.00000000001913% even a number people can say out loud without giggling?

I mean come on, Vodafone, MSN? Don't tell me those guys didn't pay you something in like a gazillion bloody figures.

Oh! No wait, you gave them their own TV show, you made them famous. You made them CELEBRITIES! Yes of course, a lifetime full of this shit. Really man?

Two, you made this DVD. The ad actually said that people who want to get into Roadies and to impress you should but this DVD. Lets put aside the hubris in a statement like that. Really, let's let that go.

I know it'll take a while ... but for the sake of argument let's put it aside.

Do you know how much money your making off of people's insecurities?

(Cost of one DVD x Average number of people per city x Number of cities) + (All those other people who're in general trying to get into one of your reality shows because they've given up on life in general) + (All those other idiots who are randomly angry at everyone they see so they can be like you)

Mind you the cost is Rs. 599 per DVD.

Joe Rogan once said "Fuck dumb people. If they're dumb they should get ripped off. I get scared when smart people get ripped off."

Did I mention it was during a piece of standup comedy. That it was satirical?

So there you have it, you've pegged people in the age group of 10 to a 100 and the cost of their souls to you is Rs. 599 per head.

That's why I think you're the cancer of this time. Now I'm not asking people to boycott your shows or do any shit like that, even if I did it wouldn't happen right?

All I'm saying is let people know you're fucking them over, because you're a real man right? At least that's the shit you said on TV man, I dunno.

My 599 ruppees,
Sid.

By making videos:

About Perl.

About bad Rubyists.

About Zed Shaw.

"I kissed a girl and I liked it"
Katy Price - I kissed a girl

1. Take a flight back home at 5am and have the cabbie pick you up at 3:45, only to have him come an hour early and have a door that slides open while your asleep.

2. Eat a bag of nails.

Now I know the majority of you will pick number one, but trust me when I say this it feels just as bad as number two.

"Holy diver,
Sole survivor
You're the star of the masquerade"
Dio - Holy Diver

I fly a lot.

Every single weekend, and I always fly economy ... company pays right ergo it's going to be cheap. Especially for a chindi player like me ;) Anyways point. So on an economy flight you know the rule of armrests right? It's unwritten I know, but I figured putting it up here might change something.

Here's what an armrest looks like:



I know it's a funky one but it'll do for this story.

So when you get on a plane you know you have to share the armrest with the guy next to you. Either you take the top half and leave the bottom half for the other guy (the horizontal line), or you share it half in half vertically (the vertical line). That's basic shit right.

Right?

This guy gets on the plane and wakes me up to get into his seat, which is okay I mean no harm, no foul I wasn't asleep yet. So I pull out my earphones and let this guy sit down but here's the kicker just as I get ready to sit down this guys taken up the whole armrest. The whole frikking thing!!

I'm thinking to myself, what the hell, he doesn't look to happy in life, let it go Sid. Just breathe, enjoy the Manowar playing in your head and chill out man, it's a 3 hour flight be zen, be buddhist and let it go.



So Mr. Smarty pants next to me starts flapping his arm right in my face. Twice, thrice ... the man has fits I swear!

So know I'm thinking to myself you know what, this guy really didn't seem like an asshole when he came in and what the fuck, I'm not doing to Daddy talk this guy into sharing the armrest, let's show this guy what a real asshole is like ... so if this guy is really on the fence he'll be a good airline traveller for the rest of his natural born life. If I'm wrong ... well that didn't come up.

I yawn, just as he's plugging his headphones in and wham I shove my elbow into the back of the armrest and into his ribs. Alright, not so much shove and gently nudge. Gently nudge is true.

Archimedes once said, "Give me a stick and a place to stand and I could move the Earth" ... I paraprhase but you get the picture.



The trick with sharing an armrest is if you're sharing horizontally and you have the back portion you're the King man. You're God. You're the dictator. You can nudge the other guy into how much ever space you need, hell how much ever you WANT!

I spent the next half hour nudging the shit out of the guy ... whilst pretending to be asleep listening to insane insane Manowar and enjoying every thorough moment of it. Twenty minutes later I leave this guy no space on the armrest and he's dying for space ... but nu-huh talk time is over I'm asleep listening to my music, being zen.

Meal time comes.

After the meal, I'm ready for him to rush and try to grab the power half of the armrest ... but this guy just folds his hands with a big prissy look on his face giving up.

I turn to him with a smile that says, "Everyone needs a motherfucker now and then" and say, "It's alright, you can have the armrest I'm going to sleep" I fold my hands and fall asleep content after a meal of uncooked chicken on a fake five star airline content with myself that I prevented one more asshole from being born.

"You know that everytime I try to go where I really want to be,
It's already where I am,
Because I'm already there"
SOAD - Sugar

Living alone is like being married to yourself.

Now that could be a good or bad thing, could swing either way.

But if you're like me

You like clean, soft, ironed, nice smelling clothes. You tell your wife to use fabric softener and you understand so you use it.

If you like a cup of tea in the morning with an apple maybe. You tell your wife. So you go out the previous evening and you buy the stuff. You'd wake up an hour earlier and make that shit, because you understand.

If you like tucked in bedsheets before you go to bed, you take half an hour when you come back from work and tidy up, because, well as a wife, you'd understand.

Unfortunately the sex is not so good, at the end of a long hot day you're just tired ... and like I said. You'd understand.

Disgusting I know. But every now and then, I must convince myself that all this shit doesn't make me a woman, because it's the nooni that keeps me seperate innit.

Enter the ICHC online Poker Cats Contest!

"I am a vampire,
I am a vampire,
And I've lost my fangs"
Vampire - Juno OST

A fool is someone who makes a mistake, unknowingly.

An idiot is someone who keeps making that mistake knowingly.

A smart person is someone who learns from being a fool.

A dirty bastard is someone who makes that mistake because he understands the consequences of that mistake will confuse someone. Akshay is a dirty bastard.

I would name my general store Bhagvaan general store not Sejal.

Would you walk into such a store?

You remember this arcade game from when we were kids?



Well, this idiot business complex I work in, has about six elevators on the ground floor. Now the problem is around 7 pm some of them arbitrarily shut down. By shut down, I mean, they seem like they work the digital LED says "G" but when you hit the button the sadistic doors won't open.

So today, I actually ran from lift to lift and managed to miss all four of the working lifts. In the process of running (I know, I ran) I sprained my ankle.

Can you believe that?

What're the odds that I was actually paddled around. I feel slightly important.

Or maybe I should change my strategy. It's either that or lose it and break those lifts of death, whichever comes first.

"Whoever appeals to the law against his fellow man,
Is either a fool or a coward."
Lamb Of God - Omerta.